I think I hate myself.

Yes, that's right. I think I hate myself. Here's the story (this is mostly for my own benefit, I really need some way to think this stuff through outside my head):

When I was going through my registration for next semester, I realized I have quite a bit of space in my schedule for the next two years. In fact, a lot of space. "Hmm," I thought to myself, what should I do with all this extra time? Perhaps get a minor, maybe in management, or astronomy? Do some more technical electives? Leave it open for things like band, solar car, homework, and a social life?

No, I thought to myself, that would be too easy, that would be a waste of the thousands of dollars you are paying to be here. The job market in Aerospace isn't good enough to graduate with a major in that.

My solution? Decide to be a Mechanical Engineering major. Along with all the D&M, Pro/E and Thermo (which I absolutely hate) that goes with it.

Heres the kicker: not only am I going to do Mechanical Engineering, but double major in Aerospace and Mechanical Engineering.

To summarize: Shit.

Pending the schedule working out, I will graduate with not one, but two degrees in Engineering. Honors, Marching Band, and Solar Car, all in four short years? No, not enough for me. I have to make myself do more. Never content with the norm. I have no idea why this is. Maybe because I was told as a child that if I did well in school, I would do well in the rest of my life. But, I have always thought to myself: what if I'm just really good at school? What if all my grades and activities are not a result of being smart, but just having life figured out at this moment in time? What happens when I'm no longer at school, and performance is no longer measured by how well I can recall a specific set of information? Is college the toughest part of life? or does it get harder?

Just this semester, I have come to the realization that college is indeed scary stuff. My course of action for the next 25 or so months (and therefore, the next 8 days) will likely determine what the rest of my life will be like. 40 years or more, all compressed down in to slightly more than one week. Sure, college is about making freinds and learning how to live on your own (which some people will tell you is the real purpose of college, "enjoy it while you can" and all that). They always tell you when you're little that you don't have to decide right away what you want to be when you grow up. And then, it's all right there. Suddenly in a week, you have to make a decision that will, for real, affect the rest of your life.

Once again, to summarize: Shit.