Double Take: Moving to Philadelphia

A few weeks ago, "moving to Philadelphia" was just another fact about my career trajectory: it was unquestionably the best decision to make; a necessary sacrifice to get to my "dream job;" the next in the series of adventures that make up one's life. Meghan would move out there with me, and I (we) would get to see family and friends often enough to suffice; neither seemed a big problem at the time. I was significantly more at ease with the decision than she was, probably because I had the added excitement of going to start a new job (hopefully one that I like), while all she had to look forward to was me leaving.

However, it did not truly become real until three things occurred:

First: I had to say goodbye to everyone. It started on Sunday, when one of my friends from high school (in fact, the only one that I really stay in contact with that I didn't go to college with) came by on the beginning of his spring break to say hi/goodbye. That didn't really hit me too hard, because he's been away at school on the West Coast for the majority of the past 5 years.

Then was Wednesday, my "official" farewell party. It literally took until I was putting on my shoes to go to the bar to realize that that was the night I would actually have to start saying goodbye to everyone. It wasn't terribly difficult; a lot of the people there were somewhat casual friends, and I had plans to see my closer friends later in the week.

Friday was the night where I went out with my closest friends, for a night of food, drinking, and revelry. It was a little bit harder; since everyone was leaving for the Easter Holiday, that was last time I would get to see them. As most of my current and former roommates were present at one time or another, it was a really nice way to look back at college and what a fantastic experience it has been.

Easter Sunday, however, was the hardest, when saying goodbye to my (extended) family. When they were leaving our Easter gathering, they asked, "when will we see you again?" I already know the answer (for this year, at least) is Christmas. It's hard for me to stomach that, while living out there, I will likely only see my extended family once or twice a year; I'm used to seeing them at least every two months or so; for all the major holidays, birthday and graduation celebrations, and some other miscellaneous gatherings. However, being a 22-hour drive away greatly reduces my ability to attend such things.

Second: This will be the first time that I am living more than 20 minutes from my parents' house. I first realized this in the final stages of packing for the move, when I was making sure that I had everything, similar to when going on vacation. The realization that something I forgot is no longer a "quick run home" really drove the point home: I am moving away, for a significant amount of time.

Third: I just got back from saying goodbye to Meghan, I'm leaving for Philadelphia in the morning. I promised not to cry on the way home, if she didn't cry going to sleep. It felt really awkward and disjointed to not be able to say "see you tomorrow" with a smile. For the next 6 months or so, seeing each other the 3-4 times a week that we grew accustomed to is no longer the norm. Sure, there will be phone calls and web-cam chats and other communication, but nothing can ever replace the feeling of a very special girl falling asleep in your arms. Ever.

Now that the full magnitude of "moving to Philadelphia" has hit me, things no longer seem so clear. To the contrary, everything now seems so uncertain. Although the proverbial "plan" has always been to work in Minnesota, I don't know if that will change, and my present self wouldn't be happy if it did. I don't know what it will be like to have all of my friends and family 1300 miles away. I don't know how I will handle everyday life being away from my girlfriend.

"Life's an adventure," I keep telling myself. We'll see where it leads.

Can Life Be Too Good?

How come life seems to be going so smoothly for me, but not for my freinds? It always seems as if I'm significantly less busy and less worried about things in my life like school, work, and how much time I'm spending with my freinds, despite it appearing that I have the same amount of stuff, if not more, going on in a given week.

I hear them commenting (I won't use "complaining," since they're perfectly justified; I do it too) on how busy they are, and I typically try to give advice for them to deal with what seems to be a similar situation to me. When this happens, I typically realize after a while the content of what I'm saying; it nearly feels like I'm bragging about how well my life is going relative to those around me and giving "better than you" advice to them. Then I start feeling guilty and try to avoid the subject, without completely blowing them off.

I have no idea why this is or how it came to be. Is it because I somehow have an ability to deal with a large number of things on my plate? Or perhaps I somehow deal with the stress of being busy in a different, less reactive way? Or is it just that I'm too concious of how I think people percieve me?

I need to figure this out; as we become older and advance in school, it seems like it's becoming a more common problem. I don't want how my life is going to affect the way I interact with people.

Caution: Slippery when winter

After 4 months of successfully walking on all manners of snow, ice, slush, and wet pavement this winter, I have now slipped and subsequently fallen on frozen water twice in the last week.

Maybe I need new shoes, with better soles? Or maybe just a lower center of gravity.

Attempted excuse: everything thawed and then re-froze last week, making it all extra slippery. One "incident" was in the dark and I didn't see the ice, and the other was today when it was snowing.

Reading

One of my freinds mentioned that he didn't have anything to do tonight, so he went to a cafe and read a book.

I haven't read a book recreationally since last summer when I was commuting to work, and only then before I got my mp3 player. Before that, it was the summer before. I need to do that more often, I just spend all my spare time on the computer or watching TV. Maybe it'll make me more relaxed.

The hits just keep on coming

At the end of last week, I was very happy that "hell week" was done with and I was looking forward to an easy week. How wrong I was. This week has so far left me both physically and emotionally battered. It started out fine, with 2 consecutive days of playing ultimate down on the river flats this weekend. Unfortunately, the physical way I play the awesome game of ultimate usually leaves me with at least a few sore joints, and 2 days in a row led to a twisted ankle, a few cuts and scrapes, and a busted nail (seriously, it hurt).

Enter Tuesday. I had a math test that I thought I was relativley prepared for. I get to the test, and see that I basically know how to do nothing that is on the test. I get complete solutions for 2 of the 5 problems, and one of the problems I didn't even start to solve. Today, I looked at the test again and realized that I completely misread one of the questions that I got a solution for. Long story short, I will be happy with anything above a 60. This will be by far the worst grade I have ever received on a math test.

The rest of Wednesday, I wasn't too happy because of my performance on the math test (the CSci one went ok though). I made it through the long day of lectures and labs, but on the way home from physics lab, what do I do? ROLL MY DAMN ANKLE. While walking. It's about 3 times it's normal size right now, I wouldn't be suprised if I sprained it. So much for playing ultimate for at least the next week. Hopefully it will get better by the time spring jam rolls around.

All this, coupled with some other questionable decisions and their results (such as screwing around instead of studying for my math test while doing my laundry - it seemed like a good idea at the time) have made this week almost as bad as the last. Oh yeah, I have 20 pages of reading to do for English and the final draft of that paper due on Friday. I can't wait for it to be over.

I just realized how much I complain about my life on this. I need more positive things to think about.